dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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