I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
