Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT