Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?

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(407): is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town? http://tfl.nu/vkff

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(720): View more from Colorado

I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.

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(720): I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn. http://tfl.nu/6oei

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(646): View more from New York

I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"

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(646): I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive" http://tfl.nu/8zeu

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(410): View more from Maryland

I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.

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(410): I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time. http://tfl.nu/uvgg

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.

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(484): The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit. http://tfl.nu/31my

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(859): View more from Kentucky

When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.

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(859): When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/xa7u

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(772): View more from Florida

Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.

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(772): Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication. http://tfl.nu/cb9g

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(727): View more from Florida

I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.

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(727): I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed. http://tfl.nu/37u4

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(803): View more from South Carolina

That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.

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(803): That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose. http://tfl.nu/x4y6

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(330): View more from Ohio

Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?

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(330): Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward? http://tfl.nu/hi7y

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.

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(651): Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult. http://tfl.nu/x3id

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.

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(908): I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background. http://tfl.nu/p2h3

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.

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(402): I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody. http://tfl.nu/us3z

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.

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(612): I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot. http://tfl.nu/caxg

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(971): View more from Oregon

no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"

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(971): no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack" http://tfl.nu/ruay

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