I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.