Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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