Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
