i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
