you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
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i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
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I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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