i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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