I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
