I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
