I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
