i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
