I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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