I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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