i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
