Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
