I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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