I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
