Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
