I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
