i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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