i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
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