Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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