Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you win again, gameday.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
