God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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