I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
