I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she told me i tasted like america
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
