im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
