we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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