i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
