Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
