before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
