im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
