who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
