haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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