There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
