spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
