Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
