seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
