and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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