every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
