tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
