I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize