Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
