Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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