____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
