dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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