i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
