yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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