Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
