At least make sure they are 18
Why
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
