Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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