that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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