I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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