I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
