she woke up with a sticky ear
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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