I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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