Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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