Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
