i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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