i permit you to call me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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