Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
