how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
