She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
